Personal Growth

You can get to where you want to be

I wish women as mothers, wives, partners, sisters, and daughters to understand that much of my professional work and focus is with men, because contrary to what men believe, men benefit the most from therapy and performance related work.

Men posture in front of others in thousands of ways, either in trying to appear powerful in seeking approval or keeping them away so others cannot help or hurt them. Always willing to fight, never backing down or admitting weakness or the need for help, men act tough and hard to cover deeper feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Obsessed with size and status, from the size of salary to the size of trucks, from muscle cars to muscular golf shots, men never learn to give themselves permission to accept themselves, as human beings first, men second. But ladies, one comes before two, thus we are boys first, men second; our development occurs in sequence. If you do not honor boy feelings, you stay stuck there, as a boy inside, looking man like outside but forever posturing in ways to cover what is really felt inside. Therapy can help to restore a man's development to get the boy on track to becoming and feeling more of a man, and when that happens, the sought after but deeper and quiet, internal confidence develops; but feelings of confidence have to be earned. And these feelings can grow when the natural conditions for growth are met.

It is strange in a funny way how men all wish to feel confident and strong and powerful, with the emphasis on FEEL, but they so wish to dismiss other feelings about themselves and others as well. The great secret is that to feel better and good about yourself, you have to learn to feel bad as two halves make a whole, and as your emotional system grows, all feelings of self grow, in concert, as one unit; this is why clients can feel bad and even worse when they begin therapy. Thus, in my work, men are taught the value and experience of a helping conversation as a function of getting their emotional needs met, but they have to give themselves permission to receive help first. If pain could talk, that is what it would say: that it is ok to ask and receive help. For men, half of generating solutions and achieving personal growth and confidence is redefining their problems. I can help men do that.

It's Okay to Ask for Help

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